2011 was sort of a busy year for me. A lot of things I've learned, I found a dream job that I'm going to do in the future, I've met a lot of people from different walks of life - they come and go, some I left and some I keep.
Let's just moving forward, shall we?
Here are my resolutions. Just a few of them.
1. Graduate, get my adv. diploma. 2. Get a job. 3. Less procrastinate, pretty please. 4. Discover more aspects of life. (this really sound very, heavy.) 5. Love life. Be grateful for what I have right now. 6. Do what I love and fuck the rest.
So that is. A little less than the last 2 year ;) and I sound quite mature, no? Oh that reminds me that I'll be no longer a -teen this year. Ha. That's one of the big differences that's going to happen this year (besides the 21-12-2012, haha!).
December it is, everyone. Two more weeks to christmas and I don't feel so christmas-y at all. I don't know why where's my christmas spirit! So anyway, here's one of my favourite christmas song. Hope you like it!
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I wish I could just be more conscious than I am now. I fell in love and I'm high. My heart is broken and I'm messed up. Things I did were beyond chronic. Building a trust is never easy. You see. Sometimes I questioned myself, why do we tend to hurt the one that we love so much?
So I'm starting over. Everything. Turning over a new leaf, it is. (Still with the same feeling I have for a particular person, it's something I don't want to change. No. I'm not wrong to have such feeling. SHUT UP.) - sorry, a monologue.
I'm back to the girl I used to be when I first came back to this lovely city, alone, read a lot of books, watch a lot of movies, no friend... The girl I used to be. Realising that is so much fun and things I enjoy to do. Oh and fuck the rest.
Welcome back, sanctuary.
when you coming down think of me here, I got no distance left to run.
So I just had another birthday a few days ago. I really thankful for everyone who wished me through phone calls, texts, facebook, twitter and mostly... the surprises that brought me into tears from sadness to a joy. It really made my day felt so much... special than any other days. :')
I hope for good things happen and good changes in me. Hopefully, hopefully.
I'm just sitting here, do absolutely nothing and being reminded that I need to update this blog. So here I am, writing. I have no particular thing to write about. How easy is it to open up, at least a bit, to tell more stories about your life? Oh man. So here it is, I'll just write whatever pops in my head ;)
How often do you see other people's life and make a fuss about their dramatic life, and keep on dictating them to be less-drama and less insane, yet yourself dealing with drama stuffs and still able (and dare!) to deny that you are fine and sane? Does ego really the major caused of being dramatic? Or am I being so much ignorant that I don't give a shit about things happened around me? Oh dear. Myself, being the living witness of idiocracy to its insanity. Yet by keep observing these real-life dramas, happened to keep my life quite... lively.
Nah. My life, as cliche as it could be. But how far do I have to deny more?
So here it is Winter Winds by Mumford and Sons, but I called it the denial song. Enjoy ;)
As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night? For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt
And my head told my heart "Let love grow" But my heart told my head "This time no This time no"
If the word 'sanctuary' came to mind, I would think of Toru Ukada, the main character in The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle a novel by Haruki Murakami. There are a few chapters about times when he stays in a deep empty well, without food and stuff, just stay inside the well for days, a complete dark and small well. (and now I feel like re-reading that book again!).
Sanctuary; shelter, hideaway, safety, protection, asylum. Where can I find such serene place in this hustle and bustle city?
I thought I was, perfectly fine. Mind, as a controller that controls me. I believe in 'happiness is just a state of mind' because if so, whenever I feel miserable I could just think of anything that makes me happy, no? Ah. Life's so easy like that. And so I keep everything deep down inside. Tried to be an ignorant bitch. I thought I was in my perfect serene phase. You know, life rotates like a wheel, and there's that moment when you're neither at the very top or deep bottom. Feeling at peace, balanced. There, I thought I was there. Until my friend said to me that I've been living inside my mind and that I need to get out from it. Sigh, confused.
I have to become myself again before 'me'.
Currently finding my own sanctuary. Just a place for be to feel normal again, regaining my strength and my old self. Just mind and I. I would call my sanctuary A Dreamscape. Where there's a pink sky above the horizon. Then do the pirouette for 360 degrees. See no one, see nothing, no sign of living at all. A complete strange nowhere.
Till then, :)
I do feel that I've managed to make something I could maybe call my own world... over time... little by little. And when I'm inside it, to some extent, I feel kind of relieved. But the very fact I felt I had to make such a world probably means that I'm a weak person, that I bruise easily, don't you think? And in the eyes of society at large, that world of mine is a puny little thing. It's like a cardboard house: a puff of wind might carry it off somewhere." - Mari Asai, After Dark.
Hello, people. I don't have much things to say here, urm. Lots of things happened, lots of things forgotten. Life's currently leading to nowhere. Ha. I'm really lost.
Anyway, here's a song that I've been listening to, Playground Love by Air. This is a soundtrack for Sofia Coppola's Virgin Suicides. I just re-watched it a few days ago and so I found the MV for the soundtrack.Anyway, enjoy and Happy Vesak Day!
It's been awhile. I know, I KNOW. Life’s been hectic these past few days. Urm. Not really. Urm. Well. This is the point where you tried to think back to a few weeks ago and tried to remember the things that made you 'busy' but you just can't because you can't remember what you've done these past few weeks. Ha. Never mind me.
So, I was just looking through my flickr and deviantart and trying to look for photos of myself back then. Then I saw one of the comments written there. Then, ah fuck. It hit me again.
You know, that moment, when you are recalling those memories that had a great impact and changed your entire life, those what-ifs popped out and then you feel guilty, because of the things you didn’t do but you should, you know.. and so on and so forth, and so the cycle goes on.
Everything happens for a reason. Do you agree?
I remembered a good friend of mine told me this, 'you know, when you are recalling your memories, it's like looking at car’s wing mirror. It’s there just so you can look at it and not to make you sad.' Then I amazed how I could go through so much. You see, eventually and somehow, you'll move on. Because eventually you get tired of being stagnant.
I wish things were different. Everyone does. Life’s as easy like that.
I was completely bored and cleaning up my hard disk. then I found the holy 'old photos' folder in my laptop. Found some photos of my old room in Lorong Chuan, Singapore. I really miss that room. A merely room, very small (especially when you have lots of nonsense things to keep, *cough* like me.) but it has huge windows that covered the wall and the bed was just under the windows. Oh how I miss my lazy-always-wake-up-late Sundays but woke up pretty early (for a Sunday) because of the sun shines through the huge windows. :')
The crazy moments in that room. Like when I had to sneak outside the window, there's a small platform where I could sit (the room is at the third floor, FYI) and illegally, smoke ciggs and stargazing. Also I remembered where I illegally let my bestfriend slept in my room although there's a rule that bring a friend to stay overnight is not allowed. Chuckled. A lot of memories.
